March 24th, 2009

JB GDL CC bitch

Transcripts: First Up Torchwood Innuendo Squad...

Since I've had several requests for transcripts of my Comic Con and Gallifrey One videos, I've decided to post them here as well as make them available through email.
Still working on getting them all transcribed, but here's the first one I've finished...

The link to my video....In case you haven't seen it....John and Gareth getting a bit naughty (Hooray!) at San Diego Comic Con - July '08

Now for the transcript...

TORCHWOOD Innuendo Squad John Barrowman Comic Con '08

Moderator:  Wow, this is going to be fun. I can just tell.
John:  I apologize now for anything said or done...I'm just kidding

OK John...Get this party started
Moderator:  So welcome. How was guys get in OK? Everything work out?
John:  Yeah...I never have a problem getting in...

Gareth: A Cunning Linguist?
Gareth:  I’ve been eating lots of Mexicans...

Torchwood Sexed-Up?
John:  I don’t know...I mean, I don’t know if you can call it more “sexed up,” I think it’s
Gareth:  Yes it is.
John:  OK it is.

Coat Sex: Safe Sex
John:   Yeah. No, but it’s funny because a lot of people always say to me about Capt. Jack, you know he’s... he'’s
always doing things with other people...Jack doesn’t really do anything...
Julie:  No. He keeps his coat on.
John:  Coat sex: Safe Sex.
Gareth:  Episode 11?...(screams of laughter)...There was no coat in the naked hide and seek.
John:  No, there wasn’t..Actually, that was very funny when we filmed it because both Gareth and
I were very worried about how everything showed, weren’t we uh...
Gareth:  Back fat.
John:  Back fat...And we, um, we a...that whole sequence...we have a laugh when we do stuff like that
because it’s actually, we can’t...we don’ don’t touch or do anything kind of weird, but I’m hand’s groping his thigh...
Gareth:  I accidentally put my hands down your pants, didn’t I?
John:  Yes, you did...(big laugh)...Very funny...I enjoyed it.

The Mysterious Shag
John:  Gaz?
Gareth:  What was the question again?
John:  How would you describe your character and what do you like about.....Ianto
Gareth:  Um... Ianto, that’s right...that’s who I play in Torchwood. Um...I like he has mysterious
elements to his character and the fact you don’t really know a hell of a lot about him, the fact
you haven’t seen his flat, or where he lives, or any of his background, and that sort of makes him
a bit more mysterious, a bit more interesting, and a bit more fun to play...And he gets to shag the
leading man, so that’s good isn’t it?...(screams...applause)...That gets me a lot of attention, so...

A lot of John in Jack
John:   There’s a lot of John Barrowman in Captain Jack,...and there’s a lot of Captain Jack...(laughs)...
I just realized what I said...
Gareth:  There’s a lot of Ianto in there as well...(wild applause)


Audience:  To of your fellow three panelists...Marry, shag, throw off a cliff?
John:  My fellow three panelists...listen, I...I wouldn’t...
Gareth:  I think we know one of those already, don’t we?
Naoko:  And I’m dead already
John:  I wouldn’t chuck anybody. What?
Naoko:  Kill me. I’m dead...
John:  She’s dead anyway. Ok, so, Naoko, no offense but you’re going off the cliff as a corpse...
(big awwww from crowd)...But... I’d shag her before I threw her.
Naoko:  Again?
Julie:  That is SO Captain Jack.
John:  Isn’t it, isn’t it?...
Julie:  it's like old friend Captain Jack and John (think this is right,but not positive)
John:  I think I’d...I think I’d have to shag Julie.
Julie:  Hooray!...I’m saying yes.
John:  Because I know, I know she has a wild side to her. Um...and I’d have to marry Gareth...
because I’ve seen him naked...yeah...Sorry, Jule.
Julie:  Season 6, and not before.
John:  Season 6

The Girls...The Boys...and BIG
Audience:  I was just wondering what kind of pranks did you guys get up to on set? What
was the funnest moments that you had?
John:  We do get the work done, but I like to have a good time when I’m working...
Don’t I, Gareth...?
Naoko:  It’s amazing what you get used to.
Julie:  It really, really is.
Naoko:  And you have no idea what’s been actually going on for the last whatever minutes
under the...
John:  under the, Eve Myles who uh...Eve who plays Gwen, uh, and plays it wonderfully,
Eve is uh...Eve will just look at me sometimes because, I call...We have nicknames. And uh, Eve’s
breasts are called “the girls” and mine are called ”the boys.”...and she will say things like...
“Oh, put the boys away”...yeah...and uh, I won’t say what Naoko’s is called...
Audience:  Say it!...Say it!
John:  And Gareth’s...Gareth’s is just called “BIG”...anyway...(huge laugh)...You so owe me...You
don’t know how much I’m building you up here!
Gareth:  I’m gonna be tired out in San Diego.

Eating Microphones
Audience:   I’m wondering if Torch...(man fumbles with microphone)...I’m sorry...Uh, I’m wondering
John:   Just pretend it’s me.
Gareth:   I’ve been holding my tongue. I thought no, I can’t say that...can’t say that.
John:   I apologize.

Threesome...A Forlorn Lisa
John:  Well, you’ll just have to wait and see because, know, without Tosh and Owen,
um, obviously it’s only, uh, Ianto, and Jack and Gwen, but uh...
Audience:  Threesome!
John:  What?...A threesome. Oh my god, you guys are as sick as I am, and I love it.
Gareth:  Lisa?
John:  No. Lisa’s gone. Lisa’s dead!
Gareth: Lisa?...Lisa?
John:  Um...
Julie:  I thought that was jealousy. I thought Captain Jack was being jealous of Lisa.
John:  A little bit, yeah. You’ll have to just watch and see because a lot of dynamics will
change...That’s all I’ll say. But, but um now Jack...that’s a funny thing cause every time we used to uh,
...that was one of the jokes on set...Gareth...We’d like pop a picture every so often, like many
episodes after the Lisa episode, he would...and he would this...I’d go “Who’s that over
there?” (points away.)
Gareth:  Lisa?

Russell the Puppet Master
Julie:  Yeah, Russell’s here somewhere, he’s under the table...
John:  I’m...I’m actually a hand puppet right now.
Julie:  I am so moving on to the next question! Stand back buddy...Hello...

He Grows and Grows and Grows
Audience:  Is there anything you would change about Jack
John:  Nothing.
Audience:  I didn't think so.
John:   No. And he gro... Every time I read a script he grows and grows and grows...and that’s amazing
(woman in audience screams)
John:  She got it. The rest of you are too slow.

When I want a little Doctor...
Julie:  And in our studio in Cardiff, the Tardis and the Torchwood hub are next to each other.
They’re neighbors.
John:  They’re separated by a curtain. So we can go from one to the other...When I want a little
Doctor, I go that way...When I want a little Ianto I go that way...

End Credits at 9:51
John:  There’s a little bit of innuendo in there.
Julie:  There’s HEAPS of innuendo!

In case you're interested...I'll be posting more  transcripts for my other Comic Con and Gallifrey One videos in the next two weeks. 


Ianto dirty thoughts

Perhaps You've Watched It and said, "Shit this audio sucks!".....Well, Now You Can Read It.

Hello boys and girls, it's Transcript time again...

First, the Video:

TORCHWOOD Innuendo Squad TWO...Gareth David-Lloyd & Kai Owen at Gallifrey One

OK Gareth, It's Your Turn...
Get this Party Started with a Bang

Audience:  John Barrowman has said that there's a lot of him in Capt. Jack, but,  you know, when it comes to Ianto, you and he are quite a bit different...
Gareth: There's a lot of him in Ianto as well.

Hey, It's a Legitimate Question
Audience:  Is Ianto a top or a bottom?
Kai:  Sorry. What was this?
Gareth:  A top or a back?
Audience:  Bottom.
Gareth:  Top or a bottom.
Audience:  Not front or back. Top or bottom?
Audience 2: Is he a giver or a taker?
Kai:  (indiscernible)
Gareth:  Well, I should imagine a bit of both. It's always nice to mix things up, isn't it? I think Ianto's probably the more dominant most of the time because Jack's in charge all day and everything. He'd go for a bit of role reversal when anything happens in the bedroom.

It's a Welsh Thing
Audience:  Does Rhys have a thing for sheep?
Gareth:  Does Rhys have a thing for sheep?
Kai:  Yeah, he's Welsh, of course he does. We shag 'em, you eat 'em.

We Know John's Answer...What Do You Guys Think?
Audience:  Of the cast of Torchwood, main characters, Kai included... uh...Marry, shag, throw off a cliff?
Kai:  Good this.
Gareth:  Um...Is it just for me or for Kai as well?
Audience: Both.
Gareth:  You go first. You can set the tone, then I...
Kai:  I'd chuck Naoko off the cliff.
Audience:  She's already dead.
Kai:  Oh. Oh, Oh...Oh God! So I'll have Ianto...OK. I'd chuck John off the cliff, I'd shag Gareth and marry Gwen.
Gareth:  I thing I'd probably...push Gwen off the cliff...otherwise..not like she's...she's taken first off...and you know, um...I'd shag John and marry Kai.

A Kinky Proposition
Audience:  Who would be more likely to cheat? Would it be Rhys or Ianto?
Gareth:  To...?
Audience:  Cheat...on either Jack or Gwen
  Oooo...That's a...I don't think either, either of them. I think probably Ianto...but it would be Jack's idea.

One Rule...Winner Take All
Audience:  What are the rules for Naked Hide & Seek?
Gareth:  What are the rules for Naked Hide and Seek? Well, if you catch the other one, you can fuck him. Quite simple.
Toby Hadoke:  That's not what I told my son when he asked me the same thing.....But I'll relay the information.

Beanstalk Panto
Gareth:  Yes, well probab...I really would...yeah, I'd like to do pantomime. Anyone's offering? Could do it here, it'd be great.
Toby:  When's the beanstalk gonna grow? I don't know, I'll start the stopwatch.
Gareth:  *mimics stopwatch* Oooooooo
Toby:  I'd be a hit.
Gareth:  Oh mister giant, you're massive.

Honey, I'm Home
Gareth:  Uh... I think, I think Ianto lives in the hub.
Audience:  Oh, you think he lives in the hub now.
Gareth:  Yeah. I think he lives down Jack's manhole.

"Doing John"
Toby:  Was it always intended that he (James Marsters) do John with an English accent? Or did they ask him to do Amer...
Gareth:  He did John with an English accent? (in an English accent) Oh, you like that, don't you big boy?

A Bedtime Story
Audience:  Using child appropriate language, can you talk about one of those stories on the set that you're not supposed to talk about...censoring of improper words.
Gareth:  Child appropriate yeah. Goo goo ga ga ga ga goo goo ga ga ga goo goo....
Kai:  Once upon a time...
Gareth:  There was a...there was a man with a LARGE member
Kai:  Yes. And we get to see it...
(In unison) Gareth:  Every day
                     Kai:  Quite a lot

Jack in a Scrum
Gareth:  Yes. That person with the arm.
Audience:  Are they ever going to get Jack to a live rugby match?
Gareth:  Ever gonna get Jack to a live rugby think he goes secretly anyway.
Kai:  Yes. Thirty men. Sweaty big strong men. I think Jack's already been there...unbeknownst to them in the old changing rooms after.
Gareth:  He only bought the long coat because of the rugby.

A Welsh Lesson
Audience:  For everything you do on the show, and for coming here and being such great guests, I just want to say Diolch yn vowr.
Awww....That means Thank You in Welsh. Then I could'd say...I'd say Croeso. It means You're welcome.
Gareth:  No it doesn't.
Kai:   It means Tittie. No it does...It means you're welcome.
Croeso i Cymru...Welcome to Wales
Gareth: da iawn
Kai:  da iawn. Very good. That's very good.
Gareth:  Hello
(points to next questioner)
(Welsh)...Do you want sex?...(Welsh)...I've had sex....(Welsh)...I want sex.
Peachiachavna (or something like that in Czech...maybe) is... Your fanny is Czech Republican.

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket?

Gareth:  Well, my favorite suit the one I wore in in the third season, um...
Kai:  The gray one.
Gareth:  Yeah, the gray one with the pin...
Kai:  Yeah...a lovely suit that one.
Gareth:  I think I'd been to the gym, so it was slightly cut better on me as well
Kai:  Absofrissinlutely.
Gareth:  There's one scene, I'm walking in front of...I'm on the telephone...It's me...I'm on the telephone walking the can can see the shape of my (nods toward crotch) Very impressive.

Body Language
Audience:  So I've read recently an analysis of body language in Torchwood. Was online and it made me curious...
Gareth:  *changes posture...speaks for itself*

Playing With Food
Audience:  What was your thought process as far as what Ianto was going through during that episode (Something Borrowed) particularly when he cut in on Gwen and Jack dancing?
Gareth:  Um. Well I thing if...the possibility of Eve joining uh, Jack in some type of sexual excursion probably, you know, he probably thought, Hey sweet, fresh meat.

What's a Mickey
Gareth:  Slip a what in their drinks? A mickey? Is that like Rohypnol? It is Rohypnol...Got loads of that. I'm joking...joking...(to Kai) Drink. Drink.

Dream Ride
Audience:  Uh...I just wanted to ask you, what's the one thing you haven't gotten a chance to do as your character that you would like to do in a future episode?
Gareth:  Ride a panda.
Kai:  uh...Have sex with Capt. Jack.
Gareth:  Ride a Yankee.

Roast Orgy
Kai:  I, I um I do like spicy food. I do like Indian curries and food like that.
Gareth:  Oh yeah...yes.
Kai:  Very good. And there is of course, you know, there's always a good pizza and the traditional Sunday, Sunday roast, um...That's that's sort of good. Mam's, mam's cooking is good. A curry I think, yeah. Oh, I love curry...excuse me.
Gareth:  Curry. Chile. I was going to say the same's lovely...curry, chile, anything...anything that's got a ki...a kick up it's ass really...
Kai:  Yeah.
Gareth:  Sunday roast
Kai:   Yes. Oh, oh yes.
Gareth: (indiscernible) Yorkshire pudding...stuffing...awww...
Kai:  YEAH!
Gareth:  Nothing quite like a good stuffing.

Mack the Mic
Gareth:  Ok. Mack the Mic
Kai:  It's wet
Gareth:  I've been dribbling on it.
Kai:  Thinking of Sunday roast
Gareth:  I know.

Next up....Parts 1 & 2 of my 7 Part TORCHWOOD Comic Con Panel